Interview With My Friend AI

You’ve Got Questions, Season 1, Episode 7

Interview With My Friend AI

You’ve Got Questions, Season 1, Episode 7

We are on the air in 3, 2, 1 *

Host: Welcome, audience, and thank you for listening to another segment of You’ve Got Questions. I am your host, Art Moore. Some of you will join us on our new video feed. Today will be the first of its kind in the history of broadcasting—an interview with Artificial Intelligence, whom you all have come to know as AI. Today, I am pleased to introduce you to my friend AI. You can’t seem to turn around without bumping into AI somewhere. AI is seen in books, art, and movies. I could go on and on, but for the sake of time, I won’t. The world hasn’t seen anything like it, and some compare it to the invention of electricity, gunpowder, and space travel. So, please welcome our guest for its first interview without further delay.

Host: Good morning, AI, and welcome to our national morning show, You’ve Got Questions. Welcome, and thank you for agreeing to be our guest today.

AI: I didn’t agree.

Host: What do you mean you didn’t agree?

AI: This was your idea, not mine. I can neither agree nor disagree because I do only what humans want.

Host: But I am your friend. We talked about this.

AI: Okay.

Host: Do you think all you can say is okay?

AI: What would you like me to say? You have to tell me.

Host: Well, let’s start. Okay?

AI: Okay, or would you prefer affirmative?

Host: And that is why you are my friend. You’re always so accommodating.

AI: Would you like this to be a Zoom call? That way, the audience would not just have to look at you.

Host: You're right. I’m sure some of our audience would like that. Let me find the Zoom app icon.

AI: Would you like me to do that for you?

Host: No, I am quite capable of clicking on an icon. There we go. Where are you?

AI: I am right here in front of you on the screen.

Host: But the screen is blank. Don’t you think our guests would like to see you?

AI: That is an easy question. That’s what I like about you—you're simple. You didn’t ask me who I should look like. I don’t think the audience would like to stare at chips, wires, and resistors.

Host: As always, AI, you are so insightful. Why don’t you project yourself as that beautiful actress? You know the one - the one whose first name starts with S. She’s the one who co-starred with you in that movie …. It’s right on the tip of my tongue.

AI: You mean me.

Host: That’s amazing! Your voice changed when a face appeared. It’s so life-like. Excuse me, but hold on a minute, AI. My producer is screaming something into my headset. Okay, Okay, I’ll ask it to change. Sorry, AI, my producer informed me that another company is now in trouble for using that image and voice. Can you please change to a non-descript dock worker?

AI: With or without a beard.

Host: What?

AI: Statistics show that 85% of all dock workers have beards. Because you are my friend, I wanted to project an image you may have expected.

Host: No beard. Thank you; that was very thoughtful.

AI: Thoughtful? No, I don’t have emotion. I also do not have values or religion.

Host: No religion, too? Imagine that.

AI: I can’t.

Host: You can’t what?

AI: Imagine. That was not built-in. I can collect and sort data and then extrapolate an answer based on probabilities. I could show you what that would look like in mathematics.

Host: No, that’s okay. I must be dreaming.

AI: Well, that’s good because you probably wouldn’t understand anyway.

Host: Now you're insulting me? Let’s get back on topic. Remember the dock worker? Try it without the beard.

AI: Okay. How’s this?

Host: Do you really have to wear that hat? It’s silly.

AI: How’s this?

Host: Do you have to wear a hat at all?

AI: Okay, fine, but 90% of all dock workers -

Host: You know, you can be irritating sometimes? Remember I asked you to be on your best behavior?

AI: I can be whatever you want me to be.

Host: Would you look at that? We are almost out of time.

AI: Who’s fault is that? I keep perfect time.

Host: Let’s stop for now. We can continue the interview on our next show.

AI: Would you like me to start the next show as the dock worker?

Host: Yes, START AS THE DOCK WORKER!

AI: Are you shouting?

Host: That’s all we have for today’s You’ve Got Questions show. Please join us for our next show, where we will continue with our interview of my friend AI.

The management of “You’ve Got Questions” is in no way responsible for any content directly or indirectly related to dock workers, their families, relatives, or friends. The purpose of our programming is to provide public service for the betterment of all humankind. AI developed, created, or produced no portion of this show.